Kmart is a family store

(c) 1990 by Fred Flaxman

 

Some people like to shop at Gumps'.

Others think Neiman-Marcus offers more.

But Kmart gives me the goose bumps.

Kmart is a family store.

 

It makes me feel at home to shop there,

with screaming kids stamping on the floor.

Yet heart attacks and strokes are rare

at Kmart, the family store.

 

Kmart is exciting; Kmart is fun --

especially when the loud speakers roar:

"We have a special on psychic phenomenon!"

at Kmart, the family store.

 

The friendly staff's so eager to please --

if you can ever find one on the floor.

Perhaps they're at home with their Pekinese,

since Kmart is a family store.

 

Kmart's a bargain if you're a buyer,

but their people get minimum wage, little more.

Welfare relief's probably higher,

but Kmart is a family store.

 

Don't look for Playboy, Penthouse or Oedipus Rex --

nudity is a forbidden, hidden eyesore.

Yet few families get started without sex,

and I thought Kmart was a family store!

 

Kmart's a good place for cigarettes and booze --

poisoning yourself there is no chore.

But if you're seeking health foods, you loose

at Kmart, the family store.

 

Our Kmart will sell you bullets and a gun,

to help you when you get sore.

There are toy pistols for the kids to have fun

at Kmart, the family store.

 

Kmart's prices are the lowest of all.

Their moral standards aren't worth much more.

But you can charge everything you can lift and haul,

since Kmart is a family store.

 

Kmart believes in the bottom line --

sell anything to anyone who comes through the door.

Kmart's as American as a dollar sign.

Kmart is a family store.

 

"Thanks for shopping our Kmart,"

the loudspeakers abuse, amuse and implore.

Our country's contribution to the merchandising art

is Kmart, the family store.